Copenhagen, February 2019

The door to my hotel room shut and I walked instinctively towards the window. Across the street, the gates of Tivoli looked smaller than I remembered them as a child. The rides and roller coasters poking up through the barren tree branches in the park didn’t appear as intimidating as I seemed to remember them as a 5 year old.

I unpacked a little bit, then decided I should head out and get some food before it got too chilly. Outside, the sun was already starting to set, even though it was only 4:30pm, and little flakes of snow had begun to fall. I made my way towards the walking streets, gloves hands shoved into my pockets, face half buried inside my scarf. I’d been to Denmark many times with my family, but it had always been during the summer. Freezing as it was, I couldn’t help but smile recognizing streets I’d walked down as a child, and restaurants I’d taken advantage of the 16 year drinking age in, feeling like such a grown up sipping my white wine.

I wandered all the way through the walking streets, down to the harbor. There were plenty of cute restaurants with their lights on, but they seemed a little too nice to be dining in alone. I’m not opposed to solitude. If I was, this entire weekend trip would be be a nightmare. I had just needed to leave the UK briefly to reset my visa, and knowing I’d be going somewhere alone, I picked Copenhagen as it was familiar. I thought it might be nice to revisit the places I remember vaguely from all the previous trips. But I didn’t anticipate how much more alone one feels when it’s cold. Cold is an understatement, it was fucking freezing. The snow flakes had dampened to a sleet, and the wind was whipping them hard onto my nose and cheeks (the only exposed skin I had). And though my body was begging me to just pick a damn restaurant and go inside, literally anywhere with walls and some warm food, I walked away from the harbor and back up the walking streets. It wasn’t until I was almost back at my hotel that I found the perfect dinner spot I didn’t realize I was waiting for: An almost deserted Chinese restaurant with harsh fluorescent lighting that could serve me a massive bowl of noodle soup. With a side of spring rolls. One Night In Bangkok played on the speakers, as I slurped from the oversized spoon. I’d posted a picture to my Instagram story earlier, of several of the iconic Copenhagen towers, silhouetted by the dark sky. It had a reply from my friend Ellen, who is from Denmark but lived in London. “Are you in Copenhagen?!” She asked. I replied that I was here through the weekend. “I literally fly in tomorrow, can we hang out tomorrow night?” She went back. My heart leapt. It was such a random coincidence, and it warmed me more than even the giant bowl of soup could. I think, though I do love traveling, I’ve grown to enjoy the people I can share a place with even more.

The next day I slept in, but still wanted to get out and see the city. Again, it took me ages to settle on a place to grab a bite to eat. I’d already walked to Rosenborg Castle and up to the top of the Round Tower before I found myself a veggie bagel at the cafe at the top of Illum’s shopping center.

Rosenborg Castle
The view from the top of the Round Tower

I made my way down to Nyhavn, past the beautiful colorful buildings to the water, where the opera house sits across the bay. All the way down to the Little Mermaid statue, then back past Amalienborg, the home of the Danish royal family. I’m not sure how many miles I’d gone, but my feet were very ready to take a break. I made my way back towards my hotel, intending on getting a bite to eat and warming up a little. But walking by the gates of Tivoli, I realized this might be my only afternoon to visit. I considered the moderately expensive entrance fee a gift to my younger self. I adored this place growing up; the rides, the beautifully decorated buildings and alleyways, the sweet little restaurants and the decadent soft serve vanilla ice cream (dipped in chocolate powder, of course). This time, draped in a thin layer of fake snow, it looked much smaller than I remembered it. It was almost deserted, with only a few people wandering through the gift shops and admiring the ornately painted structures. Here and there, elevated fire pits stood for people to warm their hands by. The park has a small population of peacocks, and they too were cuddling up by the fires. I found a mulled wine stand, so a steaming mug soon was also combatting the cold. There wasn’t much to do, other than wander around and take in the sights. There were lots of tiny lights everywhere, leftover from Christmas, and flock of sculpted swans, each with a tiny golden crown, floated on the lake. In the summer, the lanes and little parks would be filled with children screaming and playing, and the restaurants would be bustling with customers. There were only a few rides that were open now, including the fun house, which I took a wander through. It’s not quite the same experience without people to laugh with, riding down slides and running over moving tracks designed to trip you up. Nevertheless, I clambered over enough rope ladders to make it worth my while.

Nyhavn
Tivoli
Tivoli

Several hours later, I was walking through the meat packing district, an area I’d never been in before, following the address Ellen had said to meet her at. The streets fluctuated between “sketchy” and “trendy”, sometimes a little of both. After about a 20 minute walk, I found the place. A sign outside the door said “Come in for the worst g&t some guy on Yelp has ever had!” Wandering the crowd of what seemed to be entirely locals, I found Ellen and her friend Benedicte, who I’d met one once London. It was 2 for 1 g&t’s, so we took full advantage of that (they weren’t as bad as the guy on Yelp seemed to think, just quite strong, which I’ve never seen as a negative). We tucked ourselves away in a corner and caught up, soon filling our small, wobbly table with empty glasses. Benedicte worked at a little Italian restaurant close by Tivoli, so we walked back in that direction, stopping by my hotel room to drink a bottle of wine, eat some chips, and have a little dance party.

The restaurant was still open, so we sat at tables outside, drinking Aperol Spritzes in the freezing cold. Benedicte told us about when she’d served Mads Mikkelsen and the crown prince of Denmark in the restaurant one night. We shared stories and sipped our freezing cold but delicious drinks, laughing so hard I worried we might be disrupting the actual customers. Eventually, as the tables inside cleared, we moved in and warmed up, before setting off on another adventure. They took me to Floss, a bar with a heavily graffitied front, thick with customers and cigarette smoke. We found some decaying couches downstairs and chatted with strangers and watched people play pool. Then we braved the cold once more and endured a painfully long line to get into a nightclub, where we danced in projected lights making patterns in the floor, sang along to the music in brash, out of tune voices, and snuck out into the roped off smoking area outside when it got too hot indoors. It’s all a blur. We left around 4am, when I discovered to my delight it was only a 10 minute walk back to my hotel. Once home, I chugged 3 glasses of water, then fell asleep until noon.

Ellen and Benedicte
Ellen at Floss

I love revisiting places I went when I was younger. I’m an awfully nostalgic person, and I find an odd pleasure in the combined delight in familiarity, and a yearning for past or distant happiness. Yet the people I’ve met as I’ve gotten older, the ones who’ve shown me new sides to the places I thought I knew well, they give me things to love about the places of my childhood which I never would have thought I’d be lucky enough to find. Traveling alone can be a very rewarding and interesting experience, but in this instance, I was so grateful for the companionship, the company, and the new nostalgia to discover the next time I visit.

Los Angeles, March 2019

I’m currently sat at a cake shop on Ventura Boulevard looking like a displaced piece of 80s pop trash. This morning, I decided to put on a long black Stevie Nicks style skirt, an oversize denim jacket with purple triangle parches adorning the sleeves, and a pair of white kitten heeled boots with pastel flowers around the ankles. It’s a great outfit, but one becomes more self conscious about their bold fashion choices when they’re over an hour early to a dinner date and have to wander around strip malls full of closed shops to kill time. Also these shoes are not the most comfy, and I needed to sit down. Thank goodness this cake shop was open. Now I can at least chill out for a moment while I wonder how much judgement I’m earning from the two guys working here who were probably hoping to close early before I walked in. One of them is slowly sweeping the floor and wiping down tables. Oh well, I have at least 28 more minutes until they can legally kick me out. I’ve ordered a tea and a massive coconut macaroon. Even though I had ice cream an hour ago. It was really good too, basically a slice of berry pie mashed up in vanilla ice cream. And then I’ll be getting sushi soon as well. It seems I’m very determined to avoid the stereotype that everyone in LA is skinny, at least based on today’s eating habits.

I’m staying with my friend Keana, who was my housemate in college but lives out here now. I think the two of us make each other more indulgent than we might be otherwise. I recall one Easter Sunday, when we slept in late, then drove to Whole Foods and loaded our baskets with macaroons, cupcakes, avocado oil potato chips, fresh berries, and almond milk iced coffee. When we got home, we laid out a blanket in the front lawn and lounged in our swimsuits, soaking up the sun and eating our treats. I’m not religious, but I like to think Jesus would have approved. I love seeing her. We pick up where we left off, and our conversation is always comfortable and flowing. We shower each other in affection and compliments, laugh at each other’s dumb jokes, and sing along loudly to songs in the car. It’s been four years since she moved out here, but we’ve still managed to see each other quite a bit, even with the distance. I think that’s the best anyone can do, but we’re lucky that it’s been an easy friendship, even through all the time apart.

This sushi place I’m going for dinner, Katsu-Ya, I’ve been to once before, with the same people I’m meeting this time. It’s a man I met at a writing retreat in Aspen, Sean, and his wife. When I met him, I was a mere freshman in college, having just been accepted to the acting BFA program. I was the only person under 30 in our little writing class, and was intimidated to say the least. But I got chatting with him and found out that he had graduated from the same acting program which I was about to start, and so had his wife. They live in LA now, where he works as a writer and she leads a belly dancing troupe. We’ve stayed in touch since then, them coming out to stay with my family, me visiting them in LA, I even visited him on a film set in Prague one lush weekend last summer. During my senior year spring break, I stayed with them in LA for a few days, and we went to this restaurant. I had never tried raw fish sushi before, having been a vegetarian most of my life, but wanted to be polite and give everything a try. It was one of the most amazing meals I’ve ever had. Probably aided by an excess of wine, but nevertheless.

I’ve left the coffee shop. I’m now sat on the side of a fountain outside of a Starbucks. I finished the macaroon and my tea, and have purchased a kombucha, because I felt bad wandering around CVS for 10 minutes and not buying anything. Not that they’re desperately in need of the cash, I’m just awkward. It’s very a very spicy and gingery kombucha. The fountain is splashing lightly, so a little mist is getting on my notebook as I’m writing this. It’s actually quite cold out tonight. It’s been a bit of a chilly trip to LA this time around. It rained for a while yesterday, and earlier today, sitting out on the beach was a tad chilly. It was still lovely though. The wind blew ocean air all around us, and the sun snuck in past the clouds every so often to warm us up a bit.

This whole past hour, I’ve had Free Fallin’ by Tom Petty stuck in my head. Probably because being on Ventura Blvd made a connection to whatever part of my brain keeps a very good archive of song lyrics:

All the vampires, walkin’ through the valley

Move west down Ventura Boulevard

And all the bad boys are standing in the shadows

And the good girls are home with broken hearts.

It’s probably time for me to head to dinner. I’m still about 15 minutes early, but at least I can go sit inside and wait. I’ve chugged this kombucha, which has left my mouth burning, but I feel like a real local ingesting something expensive, organic, and supposedly good for gut health. I don’t know if I’m the best at killing time, particularly when my phone is dying and I need to save battery so I can get an Uber back down to Keana’s this evening. But this has been good. I need to take more time to write like this, even if it’s rather meandering and pointless. I like to think our teacher at the writing retreat back in 2013 would be a bit proud of me for trying. Who knows.

Russell Square

I’ve fallen behind on these. Life just got ahold of me the last two weeks, and I haven’t written. If you’re upset, I’m very sorry.

I can’t say that I have anything particularly great to say right now. But I felt I should check in, scribble something down. I do have several stories which I’ve been working on a bit, they’re just not finished.

So here we are. It’s a lush Thursday afternoon, and I’m sat on a bench in Russell Square eating some rice and biryani from a market nearby. It’s a tad spicy, but the guy who sold it to me said I should try a bit of the spicy sauce because it’s very good. He’s not wrong, but my mouth is on fire. The sun is so bright and heavy, there isn’t a cloud in the sky. This is the summer day that Londoners we’re waiting for. It’s been a lot of humidity, a lot of heat, spurts of rain, but this is the first day of beautiful unrestricted sunshine we’ve had in a while. People are lying in every spot of available grass. Several people blow clouds of vape smoke into the soft breeze. Ah, heavenly.

This is a beautiful park, with massive trees stretching their branches wide over the plots of perfect grass below. In the center is a bubbling fountain, encircled by benches and small hedges. A tree tunnel curves over one of the sidewalks, and an Italian cafe pours delicious smells into the air.

That cafe was where I had breakfast with my parents for the last time before the start of my MA. They flew home to Colorado that afternoon, but we wanted one more little hangout beforehand. I got a cappuccino and a little almond pastry. We chatted about mundane things. Then they walked me down the road, I gave them both a hug and said goodbye. It wasn’t particularly heavy, I saw them a few months later for Christmas. But it still was a big moment. Moving to the other side of the world is a massive step to take as a 22 year old, especially when you don’t know anyone there. I don’t think the weight of that step ever resonated with me as much as it should have. It was hard sometimes, but then I’d walk through another park, have another pint with new friends, see the lights glittering on the river, and those worries were suddenly so small.

That was almost two years ago. Since then I’ve spent a large amount of time in this area of London, going to classes, going to the pub, wandering around the British museum, falling asleep in the library, and rehearsing shows which weren’t all great, but were occasionally legendary.

My time spent in London has been some of the busiest of my life. Not all of it has been school. I’ve traveled to other cities and countries, ate at amazing restaurants, walked the south bank a hundred times over, blasted 80’s pop tunes into my ears for many a tube ride, and dragged my friends out dancing more times than I can count. It was so full of life, memories, and days which at the time I said I would never forget. Now they’re a blur of photos on my Instagram, but sometimes those moments slip back into my mind and make me smile.

On top of all these things that I did, there’s an equally long list of things I didn’t do. Places I didn’t visit, bars I never made it to, people I failed to message back, shows I didn’t have time to see and projects that didn’t hold my attention long enough to get the creative momentum they deserved. And I could beat myself up about that. But I won’t, because I am proud of the things I did accomplish, and am so happy with the memories I did make.

This may just be a drawn out excuse for why I haven’t written in two weeks. I shall try to do better. But when life happens, I make time for the things that I deem deserve my time, in that moment. In this case, my writing had to be put on hold so I could direct, act, hike with my mom, and spent time with people who I care about. Maybe one day I’ll get better at balancing it all.

Anyway. After writing this, I fell asleep for an hour on the grass, and got a rather bad sunburn. So that can be my punishment for being negligent of my blog. Hope we’re even now.