I met him outside the CU campus science museum. It was 7:45 in the morning. I don’t know why I agreed to this. I had rehearsal every night that week, so this was the only bit of spare time I had to go on a date: Friday before my 9:30 class. He suggested it, and I somehow decided that a stranger I had been talking to for 3 days on Coffee Meets Bagel was worth sacrificing an extra hour of sleep to meet.
He was quite nice. We grabbed a coffee, then went for a really long walk around campus. We ended up holding hands by the end. We agreed to meet up the following week, in the short break I had between my last Tuesday class and rehearsal. We got a drink from a nearby bar. He said he was reading Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari, a book my mom had just recommended to me days before (spooky). We kissed on the steps of the theatre building, and I had to run inside so I wouldn’t be late to my fight call.
It didn’t work out. For many reasons. He fell really hard. He sent me a massive text far more intimate than any I’d ever received. He said “I can’t wait for you to open yourself up to me.” He said that I was a goddess, and he’d put me on a pedestal in his mind. I told him I was extremely uncomfortable and I didn’t want to talk to him again. Might be a bit harsh. We did get along, we had some good conversations, but a few things didn’t feel quite right, and that message was where I drew the line. I didn’t want to be on a pedestal. I didn’t want to feel pressure to open myself up to someone. I just wanted it to happen, naturally.
I’ve been single for 6 and a half years now, and I drop in and out of dating apps. I’m not always in a state of seeking out a potential mate (#animalplanet), as I’m often too busy to think too much about it. Still, I know the symptoms of loneliness extremely well. I’m fortunate to have many wonderful friends who I can go out with, confide in, or rely on for distraction, making it easy to not feel as though something is missing. But the loneliness still comes, usually in waves. Most often it’s fleeting and goes away after a fun night of dancing or with the purchase of a new Fenti highlighter. But when it lingers… There’s an app for that.
Dating apps aren’t all winners. Nah, I take that back. All dating apps have the potential to be winners, but it is heavily dependent on wether or not you are meeting the 6% of people on this app who are 1) Not catfish, 2) Interested in dating and not just a picture of your boobs, 3) Not in a relationship already, 4) Actually going to message you back, 5) Willing to go on a date with you, 6) Easygoing and friendly on said date and 6) Not going on this date simply to lure you into their home, skin you alive, and hang you above their fireplace. It’s a risk. Even if everything in the situation is completely safe and good, there still is the risk that you won’t jive with this person. Then you’ve gone and wasted a perfectly good evening and 20 quid on cocktails that didn’t even get you laid. What if the next time isn’t successful either? Or the time after that? It’s easy to get disheartened and call it quits, when you’re going through all the stress and strain of dating with none of the rewards. The messaging alone can be enough to throw in the towel. The most frequent message is “Hey”, followed by “what’s up?”, neither of which usually lead to a deep or compelling conversation. Sometimes it progresses from that, but doesn’t always end in someone asking the other person out. Often, it’s just another rabbit hole of misogyny you didn’t know you were falling down until it’s too late. See below.
I had an odd encounter a few weeks back. I was chatting with this guy; let’s just call him James. James messages me something about one of my photos, which was taken in Oxford, saying “You’re at my school!” I made some clever reply about him needing to avoid all the basics taking instagram photos on his campus. He responded, and we had a little chat going. He was nice, asked a lot of questions, made some jokes. Important detail: he was really hot. Like, hot to the point where I get skeptical. Muscular, white teeth, well built, cast-able as a frat guy in a film. Usually these are the sorts of guys who’ll message “you up?” in the wee hours of the morning, so I was a bit taken aback by this extended conversation we had going. Now this isn’t a self criticism, but in my experience, guys who fit the social media standard of “ideal male attractiveness” go for women who could be classified under “ideal female attractiveness”. Basically- not me. This isn’t a self criticism, just an acknowledgment that I have short hair, no thigh gap, and dress like a mom 80% of the time (but, like, a cool mom). Now, this is a deeper conversation, because beauty is a construct and every type of body and style is beautiful, and I know that I’m hot as fuck HOWEVER based on my experience, men who present themselves in a certain way, who try to fit this standard of attractiveness, are not interested in anything more than sex, particularly from me. And that’s fine, live your best life. So when our dear friend James messaged me asking if I had any free time this week, I was surprised. Also flattered, excited, and hopeful. I told him when I was free… then didn’t hear back for 2 days.
When he finally responded, he said “I was going to see if you wanted a drink, but my schedule got busy the rest of this week, and I’m actually not going to have much free time for the rest of the month, but I’m open to other things though.” ….. Hm. I responded with: “Other things? That could cover a whole number of areas” to which he replied, “Just less time consuming stuff is what I meant.” ALRIGHT LOOK HERE CHAMP (actually here’s a list of things because I need to break this shit down): 1) I don’t know about you, but I can down a pint in like 15 minutes. Getting a drink doesn’t take that long. 2) If you’re referring to something sexual as what you might have time for… I’m not interested if it’s only going to take as long as it takes to get a drink. You’re implying that sex/something intimate will take less time than consuming a beverage, and somehow that’s meant to entice me? In whatever idea of sex you have in your head, you seem to have no interest in taking time to please me, clearly don’t have time to get to know me, and yet still don’t have the balls to tell me that directly. Hmm. 3) If I were to be down to have hookup with you, I still would want to meet you in a public place or something first, so a drink would probably still happen. Most girls won’t just come over to your place having never met you. Safety > that D. 4) I have no issue with you not wanting anything serious. That’s fine. Just be straight with me, dude. Tell me what you want. Don’t vaguely skirt around the situation, or else I might do something crazy like assume that you can only last 2 minutes, then post that assumption on the internet… oops. Anywho, I responded, “Less time consuming… soo shots instead of drinks?” and he deleted me. Nice work James, you’re a true ladykiller.
Once you actually get to a date, the hard work is pretty much over. You don’t have to play mind games and overthink messages, you just have to get to know someone, and hope you have a moderately ok evening. They may not all be great nights out. You probably won’t hit the bullseye on your first attempt. Do the rewards come? Maybe. I’m not totally sure, as I’m still single over here. But I’ve had some wonderful dates. I’ve met some great people. Some of them I kept seeing for a while. Others it was just one time. But there are some gems out there. It just takes one person, someone funny and sweet, maybe a little nervous and awkward, to remind you that there are people out there who are just looking for someone to spend time with. Someone that makes them smile. Someone who holds a mirror up to your own situation, and makes you feel a bit less alone. And you owe it to each other to try. To spend an hour in the company of a stranger, without judging them or yourself, and see if you feel a spark. If not, call it a night, split the bill, and get yourself a McDonalds on the way home.
If I can close on anything, if you’re living the single millennial nightmare, you’re not alone. It’s tough and dating apps don’t always offer the immediate relief which you deserve. But be patient. There are people out there who are just looking to make a connection. Give a few people a chance. If it doesn’t work, give yourself a break. Don’t let Auntie Beth’s constant questioning about your dating life pressure you into making hasty decisions or judging yourself. You’re allowed to be single. You’re allowed to take your time. There’s nothing wrong with you for not having settled into a stable relationship yet, even if all your friends are married. So let yourself be selfish, and date people who make you feel good. Make time for the one’s who give you butterflies, who pop into your mind when listening to certain songs, and are just as interested in you as you are in them. And if all that fails, remember that a doughnut, a cup of tea, and your favorite book will never swipe left on you.